General: state of the world. rich get richer. poor get poorer. corporations control too much. most people seem only concerned with themselves (whether that is the self defined by political borders, religious views, etc.) Things just aren’t fair, dammit!

Middle: Haiti is in the spotlight, with need for urgent care, still, and for the first several days, at least (not sure if this is still going on or not) the US military was turning back supply ships and planes. Now that the search and rescue is over, how long is it until we forget about Haiti? How long did we remember Katrina? Will the Haitians live in tents for decades, because of the points I raised under “general” above?

Middle: I try to live conscientiously and it’s HARD. I try to buy products that aren’t tested on animals. I also try to buy Fair Trade items, from coffee and clothing, to anything else I can find out about. I also try to buy from HRC’s list of supportive corporations. I have apps on my phone to cross-reference the HRC corporations with the PETA friendly businesses when I’m shopping. Honestly, there’s not too many options left.

Specific: All this caring is driving me crazy. How do you find time for personal happiness while trying to make the world better? Can you do both? Should I just give up and put the blinders on? Honestly, nothing’s going to change, so should I just accept that and enjoy the next 50 years? Is there some sort of middle ground to be reached? I’m not sure what it is. What I’d like to do is give up politics, but still find a way to help. Any suggestions??

So, how do you like the look?

Today I heard several people (all white) say that they weren’t sure why it was such a big deal to elect a black president. I’m white, too, but I feel like I can understand why it’s a big deal. Only those with privilege can think it’s unimportant. Maybe it’s easier for me to feel the joy of racial implications because I’m a woman  and felt really disappointed to not have a woman on this ticket in 2008. I think of the effect this has on children. My neice, who’s half-black, can grow up knowing that someone like her can be President. It’s not about being president, though, it’s about believing in your own abilities, strengths and inherent value. It’s about knowing you can be powerful and strong and respected.

So, on the same day that all this happened, a momentous day in civil rights history, same-sex couples were dealt several blows. Florida and Arizona (and probably California, although no official results yet) pass marriage “protection” laws denying marriage unless between a man and a woman. Arkansas passed a law that won’t let same sex couples adopt a child. I felt today, when so many people were so happy about Obama, that my happiness was not as profound, because my civil rights aren’t protected yet. I find myself wondering about the 18,000 legally married gay and lesbian couples in California. What happens to them? Many of them have children. How do you tell your kid that their parents don’t count in the state of California?  What about families in Arkansas? Will they be torn apart now, or will existing adoptions stand? What about adoptions that were in process?  Aside from legally protecting these people and families, those states have decided to cruelly disrupt American lives.

So, like most things in politics (and life in America), my joy has been tempered with a harsh reality.

I was talking with a man at the party, who was there with his partner (gay) and he asked me how out I was. I blinked at him in surprise and then said “totally”. Then he asked what I meant by totally, which was harder to answer, of course. I said that everyone I know knows I’m in a relationship with a woman. I don’t lie about it. I don’t pretend to have a boyfriend. That satisfied the gentleman at the party, but has left me wondering.

Is that really true? I don’t lie and pretend, but there are probably people who don’t know. I’ve never said it, point blank, to many of my aunts and uncles. I assume that they’ve figured out that I haven’t spent the last 15 years living with my good friend, but maybe I shouldn’t assume that. I don’t flaunt it. I don’t wear a button that says “I’m gay. Ask me how”. I don’t want to either. Why should I have to wear part of my identity like a badge? That’s only one part of me. I also don’t go around wearing any other sorts of buttons. I stand for the things that I am and that matter to me through my actions. It seems unfair to ask a group of people to be out and declare themselves to everyone they meet. It is my deepest wish that the world will be kind enough that those people don’t feel the need to lie and hide. I think you can be out and honest without being noisy about it. So, I think I’m going to stick with my answer. I am totally out.

I know that my equipment qualifies as relics in technological terms (bought in 2001), but when technology makes  itself obsolete for no apparent reason, I feel duped. Why does a monitor need a redesigned connector? I’m guessing just to make another hundred bucks for Apple, eh?  I’m going to bite the bullet, and probably in a few days I’ll be basking in the glory of some feature that I’m sure is worth all this hassle for now, but in the meantime, I’m indignant.

Last night’s nationally televised debate and its resulting commentary was definitely one of those moments that made me cringe. I thought Clinton did a very good job. She gave specific answers about what solutions and actions she would initiate if given the chance. She was firm, self-assured and unhesitating. All the qualities of a leader. It made me proud to see a woman standing there, saying those things and handling the tough questions. It is still amazing to me, because even though I hoped there would be a woman president in my lifetime, I wasn’t sure that there would be. Watching her last night, I felt for the first time that it can actually happen.

Then I started hearing people talk. She’s too rough. Too hard. Malarkey. If she were a man, she would’ve been praised for having answers to the questions and knowing where she stood. It makes me think back to how much people talked about her moist eyes a few months back. I guess this has become an inevitable part of the election process, this focusing on minutiae and this tearing down of personality. I don’t know who would be perfect enough to make it through unscathed, but it seems clear to me that it is tougher still if you are missing a Y chromosome.

I don’t know if I’m making my point very well. Unfortunately I haven’t been blogging this from day one, but hearkening back many months now, the accumulation of chauvinistic remarks and attitudes has me on the defensive. I’m ready to renew my NOW membership and stop shaving my pits. I’ve got my Womyn up.

Now, I haven’t lived in Pennsylvania long enough yet to know what problems they face, but I assume they aren’t that different from everyone else. I look at the pictures of the families in these ads, in their well-manicured lawns, in their designer kitchens with the perfect accessories (children) and wonder how they can be in touch with what’s going on in our country right now. Can Designer Kitchen Conservative relate to the single mom who can’t afford milk anymore, or who has to choose between milk and gas this week? Can Mr. Cleaver in his half million home understand what foreclosure is and how it is to lose everything? What if Mrs. Cleaver and the kids didn’t have health insurance?

How did family values and the Republicans get to where they are today? Can they actually claim family values while they give tax breaks to mega-corporations and do nothing to help us everyday folk? Shouldn’t the claim of family value be backed up with some sort of action? Now, to be fair, the Democrats haven’t gotten much done in the last few years either, but they aren’t airing commercials every 30 minutes claiming their family values. Whether you like Clinton or Obama, I think it is refreshing that their commercials recently have just focused on what needs to happen in the next administration. They talk about what they’ll do.

I guess that’s it. Whoever wins, (and I hope it’s a Dem) I hope they just DO something to change the way things are (for the better).