Weariness
I’ve realized recently that I’m weary. Weary of many things. And it’s starting to show. My partner is calling me a grump, and she’s not wrong. It is the weariness of caring about things which gets me the most. Let’s go from general to specific, shall we?
General: state of the world. rich get richer. poor get poorer. corporations control too much. most people seem only concerned with themselves (whether that is the self defined by political borders, religious views, etc.) Things just aren’t fair, dammit!
Middle: Haiti is in the spotlight, with need for urgent care, still, and for the first several days, at least (not sure if this is still going on or not) the US military was turning back supply ships and planes. Now that the search and rescue is over, how long is it until we forget about Haiti? How long did we remember Katrina? Will the Haitians live in tents for decades, because of the points I raised under “general” above?
Middle: I try to live conscientiously and it’s HARD. I try to buy products that aren’t tested on animals. I also try to buy Fair Trade items, from coffee and clothing, to anything else I can find out about. I also try to buy from HRC’s list of supportive corporations. I have apps on my phone to cross-reference the HRC corporations with the PETA friendly businesses when I’m shopping. Honestly, there’s not too many options left.
Specific: All this caring is driving me crazy. How do you find time for personal happiness while trying to make the world better? Can you do both? Should I just give up and put the blinders on? Honestly, nothing’s going to change, so should I just accept that and enjoy the next 50 years? Is there some sort of middle ground to be reached? I’m not sure what it is. What I’d like to do is give up politics, but still find a way to help. Any suggestions??
I understand where you’re coming from, because I used to feel the same way, brought low by all the seemingly irreparable problems in the world. I wish I could say that I found some kind of magic solution, but really I just stopped caring. I gave up following politics–snippets of political news that I happen to hear still irk me from time to time–and I just let go of all the things that I can either do nothing or very little (effectively nothing) about.
I used to be a vegetarian, but after 5 years I no longer saw the point. I used to be active in politics, a member of the ACLU and an avid reader of leftwing blogs, but now I don’t even vote (regardless of what people say, 1 vote almost never matters; the minuscule chance that I might affect an outcome is outweighed in my mind by the annoyance of getting to the polls or getting an absentee ballot). I used to want to change the world, and I still want it to be changed, I just want other people to worry about it.
Is this just selfishness? It’s undoubtedly selfish, but I also think there is some wisdom to it. For example, consider the following alternatives. 1) I hear about the Haiti disaster (or something similar) and I feel terrible about it, but do nothing else. 2) I hear about the Haiti disaster and don’t care. While I wouldn’t want to admit to most people that I felt 2 rather than 1, there is less total suffering in the world if I simply don’t care. (1 yields Haiti’s suffering + the suffering caused me by my guilt, while 2 adds nothing to the suffering already there.)
The situation is different if your guilt is of sufficient power to move you to , but if that’s the case, it’s probably also of sufficient power to make you feel bad even after you do something. Guilt just doesn’t pay off as an emotion, and I’m pleased to have mostly purged it from my emotional repertoire. With respect to morality, I still feel shame (that is, embarrassment as a result of what others think of me) but not guilt (private embarrassment or self-recrimination).
In any case, I feel for you, and I hope you find a better solution than my cynical, head-in-the-sand approach. If you don’t, I’d be happy to teach you more about how not to care about things.
Thanks for such a thoughtful response, Dom. I like your description on the difference between guilt and shame especially. Guilt is definitely a time-waster and something that I’d like to have much less of in my life. I’m going to chew on this some more.
Hmmm…..
I think I can agree with you on everything. Lately, I see the world as a basket of broken eggs… It can be a really hard fight to keep a smile on and be positive when so much is wrong.
I think the best one can do is do your best. IE help out someone close to you. The pay it forward thought process, I suppose. Listening to the Speaker of the Kentucky State Assymbly gave me pause as they talk about taxing us to pay off the $1 billion dollar shortfall, and possibly layoff state employees.
There is much can do just outside the door… but even that can be drain at times as well. I too shall take a pause and a long look… who knows.